For me why we lose friends falls into two camps, those that we fell out with for some reason; the one who stole my boyfriend or the one who became toxic, and those who just fade away over time and distance. The friends I have now are not the friends I had 6 years ago when I left England, I’ve made many more, but I’ve also lost a lot more than I thought I would. When I left England I could have told you with absolute certainty that there were friends for life and some who I knew would fade into the background, but I would have been wrong. Some of my closest friends at the time are now so distant I’m not even telling them I’m coming home for Christmas, in the same breath I’ve actually remained in contact with people I didn’t have much of a relationship with. And I ask myself why is that? Are some people just shit at being friends?
I’m undecided if I’m a pretty good friend or just a bit stalkerish. I mean take my intention to email someone I haven’t heard from for years off the back of a dream… is that a bit weird? I’ve done it a few times and sometimes I get an email back but often not. Personally Id be overjoyed to hear from a old friend, but clearly there’s anther type of person out there who allocates people to a certain time and has no need to look back. My very best friends from back home I only need to keep in touch with now and again and there is no animosity, as soon as I head home we meet up and its as though I’ve never been away at all. But these others…I’m still debating on sending the email. I cringe at the thought of ‘bothering someone’ or just not getting an email back, which makes you feel like a prized prat at best, or start to worry about what you’ve done at worst.
There’s a quote that says ‘If a friendship can cease then it’s never been real’, but just because you haven’t heard from anyone for a while has the friendship ceased? Should we just issue a cut off point at say a year or two… possibly, probably, but I think its so sad to have given so much of yourself to someone, a person that knew you better than anyone else at a certain point in time and to lose that connection with them, the past and yourself…
“We all lose friends.. we lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on.”
Amy Marie Walz